Alright, so here I am over in the third world, missing out on a more civilized lifestyle when I run across this Yahoo! news article. Since it was brief, I’ll post the overwhelming majority of it below:
Shoppers waiting in line to purchase the latest incarnation of LeBron James’ signature shoe outside Atlanta were being harassed by a reported pickpocket until one patron decided to pull a gun out and shoot the as-yet unidentified man in what is being considered a move motivated by self-defense.
Witnesses told one man in line outside Wish, a clothing and shoe store on Moreland Avenue, pulled out a gun and shot the would-be robber.
The shooter then got back in line, according to Channel 2 Action News.
Police have not charged anyone and for now consider the shooting to be self-defense. No additional information was being released Sunday morning, said Officer John Chafee, an Atlanta Police Department spokesman.
Only 22 pairs of the sneakers were available, but that didn’t stop nearly 50 shoppers from lining up hours before the store opened. The shooting took place at 5:30, five hours before Wish opened its doors to LeBron’s fans.
One witness says the deceased got what he deserved. From the Journal-Constitution:
“He [the shooter] really stood up for all of us,” said Taylor White, who told Channel 2 that he was in line when the shooting happened. “I salute the homie that did that.”
That must be a badass shoe, right? In case you were wondering, here’s the shoe:
OK, there’s so much stuff wrong here I don’t know where to begin. But I’m gonna try.
1. You’re standing in line for a shoe.
2. It is a shoe of stonewash black jeans material, with a gold-brown tongue and a pink plastic see-thru bottom.
3. Someone gets out of line and shoots someone dead and gets back in line like he’s seriously going to be able to finish completing the business transaction that has him waiting in line in the first place.
4. There’s STILL A LINE for the shooter to get back into. Understand that this means someone in the middle of the line shot someone dead and afterwards there’s enough people not running, still waiting for these shoes that the shooter has to get back in line.
5. He’s IN THE LINE, as in you’ve just seen this dude blast somebody, and you’re perfectly cool with him standing behind you, where you can’t see what he’s doing, things like counting the number of heads in front of him to see if he’s number 23 in line, or wondering if anyone up there is going to buy more than one pair. How many people does a dude have to shoot to earn a place at the head of this line?
6. There’s a dead body next to the line, leaking either brains or guts, open eyes staring out vacantly and that’s apparently OK with would be consumers.
7. Of all the possible quotes of the witnesses, the one that made the paper contained the phrase, “I salute the homie.”
8. You’re standing in line FOR A SHOE.