So after my resplendent vacation, I decided it was time to update the ol’ trusty web presence. I went here, to Amazon, and even Codex, putting the new face of Beamon all over the place. A happier Beamon. A smiley-er Beamon. Gone was the old morose prison shot, which was taken via webcam back when I was in Baghdad and first starting on my war in the trenches. Behind me was a bunk bed… a bunk bed, people!
Yesterday I received an email from Puff, my life long friend and dynamic poet. It said simply this:
“Found you on Amazon. Change that fucking picture James! What the hell is wrong with you!?!”
I swear, I didn’t add anything but the quotes. Those punctuation marks are all his. In fact, here’s the full back and forth, with nothing changed.
Beamon: It’s the only one I got of me that ain’t morose! Did you see my last picture? It was grim.
Puff: What the shit!?! Go to the ID creating place on base, take a coffee, make up a lie and bribe them for a picture. Is it a woman taking the pictures? Let me talk to her
Puff (yes, before I could respond to the last email): I’m telling Gina about your picture. I’m kind of pist! You work too hard for that to be there
Beamon: I can always put my old ID card pic on there… that one looks like I’m seriously plotting murder instead of plotting scenes. Your reaction’s awesome!
Puff: There are cameras in the desert. Wait? You’re in the mountains, no? There are probably cameras in the mountains
Beamon: I work in a SCIF bruh. Besides that, what’s wrong with the picture? It sells my awesome! It says “I’m not all intense like these other motherfucking writers… have a beer with me, after you buy my book.”
Puff: Your mouth is hanging open and it looks like you are in a jungle. Put on a button up shirt James. You look like your fishing
I wish I could’ve kept this exchange going, because it seriously had me in stitches. But there are time zones to consider here. Anyway, it’s getting toward the end of my night and I’m talking to my wife. I explain how Puff hated my new picture and she just kinds of mehs about it because she’s focused on something she’s been tracking down for awhile. So while we’re online together, she for serious gets a text message from Puff condemning me and my horrible picture. Now she’s curious. So she goes to my Amazon page. And here’s my moment of vindication!
She uttered one word when my Amazon page loaded. “Oh.”
That was all that needed to be said. She tried to say more, like what was I thinking or didn’t I have anything else but she didn’t need to. She had me at the “Oh.”
OK! So photography isn’t where my talent lies. Just goes to show, there’s a story behind everything. And now you all know the story as to why my picture’s been updated a few times recently. And as promised, here’s a few more pics of me from my vacation, complete with the whole fam.